TL;DR: Most leaders think they are giving feedback. They are not. What they are giving is vague commentary that does not land as actionable information. The person walks away nodding with no clear idea what to change. Real feedback is specific, behavioral, tied to impact, and delivered close enough to the moment that it is still useful.
A leader I coached recently was frustrated that his feedback was not producing any change.
He was giving it consistently. He was thoughtful about delivery. He genuinely cared about the people on his team. And nothing was shifting.
When I asked him to walk me through a recent feedback conversation, the problem became clear in about ninety seconds. He had told a direct report that her communication “could be sharper in certain situations.” He had mentioned that “stakeholders sometimes need a bit more context.” He had noted that “there is room to grow in how you handle executive-level conversations.”
All of that is true. None of it is feedback. What he gave her was a general impression. She heard it as mild encouragement to keep doing what she was doing, maybe a little better. He thought he had addressed a real performance issue. They were in two completely different conversations. That gap is one of the most common leadership failures I see, and most leaders do not know it is happening.
What Feedback Actually Is
Feedback is the breakfast of champions. But most leaders are serving cold cereal and calling it a feast.
— Ken Blanchard, Author of The One Minute Manager
Real feedback has four components. Remove any one of them and what you have left will not change behavior.
Specificity. Not “your communication could be sharper” but “in the executive briefing on Thursday, you opened with three minutes of context before getting to the recommendation. By the time you got to the point, two of the four executives had disengaged.” The person now knows exactly what you observed.
Behavior, not character. “You were disorganized” is a judgment. “The proposal came in without an executive summary and the supporting data was not labeled” is an observation. One puts the person on the defensive. The other gives them something concrete to address.
Impact. Why does this matter? “When the briefing runs long before getting to the recommendation, executives lose the thread and the proposal does not get the consideration it deserves.” Now the person understands this is not about preference, it is about the actual outcome of their work.
Proximity. Feedback loses most of its power with distance. A conversation about something that happened six weeks ago is an awkward historical review. Two days ago is actionable. If you cannot remember enough detail to be specific, you waited too long.
Why Leaders Give Vague Feedback Instead of Real Feedback
The most honest answer is that real feedback is uncomfortable. When you are specific, the person cannot pretend they did not understand. When you name the impact clearly, the stakes become real. Vague feedback feels like it protects the relationship. In reality it does the opposite, the person senses something is not right but cannot address it, and over time that erodes trust far more than a direct conversation would have.
The second reason is that leaders were not taught what real feedback looks like. They learned to “create a feedback culture” without anyone showing them what feedback actually is.
The third reason is timing. Leaders store feedback for performance reviews or the moment when they finally cannot avoid it. By then the specific details are fuzzy and what comes out is a general pattern observation instead of a clear account of what happened.
What to Do Instead
Deliver feedback closer to the moment. Within 24 to 48 hours is almost always possible and almost always better than waiting.
Before the conversation, get clear on three things: what specifically happened, what the impact was, and what you want to see going forward. If you cannot answer all three specifically, you are not ready.
In the conversation, lead with what you observed, not how it made you feel. State the behavior. Name the impact. Ask for the person’s perspective before you move to solutions. Then be explicit about what you want to see next time. Not “just try to be a bit crisper.” Specific. “In the next executive briefing, I want the recommendation on slide one. Context and supporting data come after. Lead with the ask.” That is something they can actually do.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is my feedback not changing anything?
Most likely because it is not specific enough for the person to know what to change. Vague feedback sounds like information but does not give anyone anything concrete to act on. They nod and agree and keep doing exactly what they were doing because they genuinely do not know what you are asking them to do differently.
What is the difference between feedback and criticism?
Feedback is specific, behavioral, tied to impact, and forward-looking. Criticism is a judgment without enough specificity to be actionable. Feedback produces change. Criticism produces defensiveness. If your feedback conversations are producing defensiveness, check whether they have drifted into criticism.
How do leaders create a real feedback culture on their team?
By modeling it themselves. Ask for specific feedback on your own behaviors and take it seriously. Give positive feedback with the same specificity you use for developmental feedback — not just “great job” but exactly what they did and why it worked. Specific recognition teaches the team what good looks like just as powerfully as specific developmental feedback.
